Said the newspaper: Karla Homolka a été vue à quelques reprises dans le secteur de Sainte-Hélène et Desaulniers, dans l'arr. du Vieux-Longueuil. Une de nos deux sources est une mère de deux filles. Elle dit avoir peur pour ses enfants et tient à servir une mise en garde aux gens du district.

(I trust you "comprenday'd" and your old high school French isn't too rusty....)

Pronounced "Long-gai", the place Karla was spotted is a Montreal bedroom suburb of 350,000, nestled on the South Shore of the St. Lawrence River, directly across from Montreal.

And until Killer Karla hit town, the most famous local inhabitant was Monsieur Guy Laliberte, former fire-eater, street performer, and the guy who convinced the Quebec government to belly up with a grant so he could start up a cageless, beastless circus called Cirque du Soleil, now the world's most famous and completely unique "circus".

Circus of the Sun sells a million dollars in tickets daily to its four always-sold-out Vegas shows and its Disney World gig in Orlando, Florida.

And BULLETIN, BULLETIN...my usually unreliable sources claim that after just seven weeks of slammerless freedom, Karla's fed up with civvie street. And....she's decided to run away and join Cirque du Soleil !!!

Yeppers, kids...she's taking her act on the road. And it sure as hell brings a whole new meaning to the late Hunter S. Thompson's old masterpiece, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas". (Which, by the way, has nothing whatsoever to do with Celine Dion.)

Christ...even I'd line up all night for a ticket to see Karla's big circus routine. Especially considering Cirque du Soleil's risque-chic costumes - or lack there of.

Now, remember that nomatter how much bullshit you hear, there's always a kernel of truth in there somewhere. So...with this little nugget of wisdom in mind, I shall continue this tale.

My totally unreliable sources report that starting in 2008, Cirque officially replaces the now defunct Siegfried and Roy as premiere headliners at the Mirage Hotel and Casino in Vegas.

Buff stud Roy, you'll recall, was either (a) attacked by one of his tigers, or (b) ravaged by gaggle of horny, blue haired old nymphos...take your pick.

Anyway, S&R are history and Cirque's landed the Mirage gig. Which brings us back to that other show-stopping headliner - Mistress Karla, D-trixie of Pain and Punishment.

Famed for its offbeat, innovative, aesthetic approach to the performance arts, Cirque is the only circus in the world that does not, repeat NOT, rely on the exploitation of animals to provide its audiences with their kicks.

Stuffed animals, however, are just fine...and as we all know, Karla's a stuffed animal freak, too. Plus, they fit nicely into her act.

Cirque crafts its unique brand of artistic genius around music, dance, costuming, lighting and theatrical stage sets. Not to mention its stable of multi-talented performers and artistes.

Cirque's new gig at the Mirage will be centred on their own distinctive interpretation of The Beatles masterpiece, Yellow Submarine - with just a couple of minor variations.

First, the sub won't be yellow. It'll be pink. Karla, remember, is a pinkaholic.

And the sub Captain will be a woman. A blonde woman. A blonde woman dressed in pink leather. A blonde woman dressed in pink leather, toting a pink bullwhip. A blonde woman dressed in pink leather, toting a pink bullwhip and wearing an official Kriegsmarine commandant's hat.

Other than that...it's not all that different from the original Beatles stuff, music-wise....

Anyway, for Karla the Vegas gig may be just what the shrink prescribed. Especially for someone paranoid about safety, privacy, the media, etc, etc, etc....

Hell, in Vegas, who's even going to notice a blonde in pink leather, toting a pink bullwhip, wearing a Kriegsmarine commandant's hat?